A train wreck wouldn’t do last night’s 3-hour episode of The Bachelor justice. The closest I can come to describing it is the Hindenburg going down in the middle of an F4 tornado while taking on anti-aircraft fire. “Oh my god the humanity!”
My Observations
- Don’t tease us Tammy. If you’re gonna torch the place then torch the f*ckin place.
- Hey Syd, if you have scars all over your body, a spaghetti strap top shouldn’t be your first wardrobe choice. Just sayin'
- Based on the number of bruises on Mykenna’s arms, she needs to come up with a new safe word.
- What kind of barbaric medical protocols do they have in Costa Rica that would recommend covering a head wound with spackle?
- Tammy: “Kelsey cried over a champagne bottle for 4 days. I don’t think I cried that long when my grandpa died”
- Tammy again: “Drinking herself. Downing her sorrows”.
- Kelley: “Right now I think we’re at two different levels”. Inside Kelley’s head: I bill $600 an hour and you stabbed yourself in the head with a cocktail glass.
- Peter: I am looking for a life partner. To always have the passion we have now and never let that fade.” Kelley: “Oh my god. There’s a lizard.”
- What is the deal with the tongue Mykenna? Whatever it is, keep it up. It's working for you.
- Tammy is going to throat punch Kelsey before this is over.
- Kelsey: “I admit I was a little bit tipsy but I wasn’t wasted”. (Hey, that’s my line!)
- Kelsey again: “I take Adderall and Birth Control”
- Madison sitting on the ground at the rose ceremony while the rest of the house goes off is the greatest “F you guys” power move of all time.
- You will regret getting rid of Lexi. Mark my words.
My Week 5 Power Rankings
- Madison - Duh
- Madison - Duh
- Madison - Duh
- Madison - Duh
- Mykenna’s Tongue - Duh
Photos: ABC